【The Sex Files A Dark XXX Parody】

Costco. Hate it or The Sex Files A Dark XXX Parodylove it, but you really should join it. Why? Aside from the Kirkland vodka and free-sample Saturdays, Costco is giving new members Shop Cards worth up to $20when they join through February. Use that extra bump to stock up on flavored water and teeth-whitening strips, and then nab a hot dog and soda for under two bucks in the food court! No car? No problem. Get an entry-level Gold Star Membership for $60and you can order stuff online for delivery.

Here are a few more reasons to get on the Costco train.

Bite-size bliss in a bagKeep these heavenly morsels at your desk to slay your mid-day munchies. Each gluten-free cluster has cashews, almonds, and pumpkin seeds and satisfies your hangry self.

Grab a handful. Credit: Costco

A 5-tier wedding cake made of cheeseThis marital masterpiece is made from Red Leicester, Danish Blue, Murcia al Vino, Tuscan Sheep’s Cheese, and French Brie. It’s 24 pounds of fromage and costs way less than the average wedding cake. And did we mention it’s made entirely of cheese? Put a ring on it.

Flowers on cheese on cheese on cheese on cheese on cheese. Credit: Costco

The ginormous churros at the food court

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And strawberry sundaes. And pizza. After you’ve pushed your SUV-sized shopping cart full of toilet paper and almond milk around all morning, replenish at the king of all food courts. Or at least get a good sugar rush on.

Churr-omg Credit: @TZHALALESCAPADES

A bucket o’ decadence

It’s over five pounds of organic, virgin goodness. Slather it on your hair and skin after your workout, use it to cook up Brussels sprouts, and bullet-proof your morning coffee. It’s affordable, enormous, and you can’t use enough of it.

Do not use sparingly. Credit: Costco

*Valid only for nonmembers for their first year of membership. Limit one per household. Nontransferable and may not be combined with any other promotion. You must join in person with a Costco representative. New members will receive their Costco Shop Card by mail in 4 to 6 weeks. Costco Shop Cards are not redeemable for cash, except where required by law.

A Costco membership is $60 a year. An Executive Membership is an additional $60 upgrade fee a year. Each membership includes one free Household Card. May be subject to sales tax. Costco accepts all Visa® cards, as well as cash, checks, debit/ATM cards, EBT and Costco Shop Cards. Departments and product selection may vary.

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